Tuesday, June 28, 2016

We interupt this program to announce this message

I remember the time my siblings and I waited for the bell to ring so we could run to the ute that is parked under the breakfruit tree.
Where the fat old lady sat among german buns, home made ice pops, sugar buns and quarter loafs of white bread, layered with sweet sweet siamu popo.
...And biting into the bread and the smell of burnt sugar overwhelms your senses.
oh life was grand.....
so imagine my happiness when I came across this on the shelf of my local fruit shop?
Straight from home!!
Email me if you want some choohoooo!
ok, back to our health and wellbeing notices.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Money tuiga is not samoan culture. its samoan culture created by samoans in america, so its american/samoan new culture.

Money Tuiga is something that has been made popular by Samoans in the States in recent years.
It is NOT a tradition (well now it is in America among those who have been doing it for a while).
But please -----know that it is something that is recent and is not a MUST in a graduation.
It's yet an example of how we take our cultural values, inject cash and no class into it until you're broke as a mo'fo and then call it culture.
And for families who are unsure and feeling pressured, DO NOT DO IT.

If you have cash growing on the tree outside your house, go for it. If you are well off and have money to throw away, do it. Make a money tuiga, but please, if you can't afford it - Don't do it.

What is it with our people and the obsession with "Bigger and Better and Grander!"

This is why we have so much dramas, because we bend over backwards to look fab ae uma ae le fa'auuga kago I le u.f.a.

And that, my darlings, should hopefully stop people from emailing me about making money tuigas. lol.


#tackyculture #culturemisconstrued

Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Samoan word of the day, Aitalafu

My samoan word of today: aitalafu.
Definition: when money is borrowed without the assurance or commitment to pay back. Ever.
Use of the word in a sentence:
My cousin came over to aitalafu $500 for her great aunt's uncles' wife's grandmother's funeral last year and I have not heard from her since.
‪#‎samoalanguageweek‬ ‪#‎learnsamoan‬ ‪#‎aiafu‬

Samoan word lesson of the day

Samoan word of the day: loia.

Three meanings:

1. direct transliteration of lawyer. The loia's fees are expensive and even worse is that they lost the court case.

2. Ant infestation: Ua loia le ipu ki, The cup is full of ants. ...

3. The stage where you have eaten and you are full but you continue eating until you are loia, lethargic and unable to function. Use in a sentence, Eh, ua ka loia lava i le aiga o le fasipovi masima. (Behold! I am loia from eating that salted beef).

So essentially, you could say that:

The loia left the court room and realised his suitcase was loia from the chocolates his girlfriend left in there. Thankfully, his wife had prepared him a scrumptious meal of fuarose and taro which made him very loia.

Happy Samoa Language Week. ‪#‎samoalanguageweek‬ ‪#‎keepitfun‬ ‪#‎entachoy‬ ‪#‎lavaiageimea‬ ‪#‎fagogo‬

Your Samoan Language Class Topic tonight: Emotions.

Welcome to your evening edition of Samoan language classes that you didn't sign up for๐Ÿค”.
Take a seat on the virtual mat.
Oh wait, lie down and pretend you're in a fale and your Granma is about to tell a fagogo (bedtime story).
Tonight, we focus on emotions and how to decipher these:
Happiness (Lagona fiafia)is expressed through laughter. Or tears. But you can also slap the giver of happiness lightly on the shoulder.
Oh harder if you really like them.
A friendly punch means he she wants to copulate with you in the near future.
Kala mogi - True story๓พฎ–๐Ÿพ
There's different types of laughter and levels that only your mother can read. A loud cackle can be deciphered as aka kauvalaau, a laugh to attract attention from a potential partner.
Samoans take laughter to the next level. If there was an Olympics for laughter, we'll win.
Samoans laugh when:
- Someone falls down
- someone drops their lavalava
- someone cries
- they don't know the answer2questions
- when they're nervous
- when they're angry (aka ae Koko Le pupula)
- when someone doesn't speak English properly(even if they too can't speak it
(Aka aamu)
- someone feigns interest
- someone doesn't have a clue what's going on
- when they're broke and want to be in favour with someone nearby with money who cracks unfunny jokes
- when they are genuinely happy
- when they're being deceitful or sly - also known as aka kaufaasee- laugh that will make you slide down something).
Continuing on with emotions, males or females can write to each other, and the language will put Shakespeare to shame.
A popular beginning to love letters can be "It's as if yams are growing on my body when I first see you. It is exceptional the feelings that overcome me, it's exceptional your beautiful, my spirit elopes from my being when I think of you. My rock diamond and precious shell in the deep ocean. I want to eat your oyster"
Oh sorry class, wrong edition.
Back to PG version:
Happiness is shouting out chooohoooo or clapping (Pati Pati)
Samoan humans are generally happy people. We are happy when our loved ones are well, when our children are successful, when our lotto ticket comes out with a win, when a bowl of Palolo is placed before us.
Sometimes, being happy is tiring.
And my happy post has come to a happy end.
This is dedicated to the Queen of aka kauvalaau Hoy who is also my friend and inspiration this week.
Ia manuia faiga story kaeao HoyHoy Neng Wong Soon maua se ai nice๓พ‡
#samoanlanguageweek #entachoy #getbetterworkstories #betterlivingeveryone
Disclaimer to insert๓พŒด

How to determine whether someone is your cousin or not.

My apologies for missing yesterday's ‪#‎samoalanguageweek‬ class - I had a busy day of faalavelave (definition; Events that impact one's mental health and financial capabilities resulting in early aging).
But,...I'm back!๐Ÿ˜€
Today's topic: what constitutes a "cousin" in the Samoan worldview?
Cousin is defined as someone who is well known in the public arena such as sport, film, music, sometimes education and so forth.
For instance,
Sonny Bill Williams is my cousin.
Joseph Parker is my cousin.
Boom Bullet, is not mine, but YOUR cousin.
Seiuli The Rock is my cousin.
Albert Wendt is my cousin.
In essence, we are not actually related but we call this sudden urge to relate as "Fia Falealili fua": possibly similar to young kiwi males' emotional urge to break out into the haka when consumed with pride. In London.
Normally, someone is your cousin until they are in trouble.
When David Tua was winning - everyone claimed him as their cousin, but when he struggled, all the cousins disappeared. Thus the adage, "Uo mo aso uma a'o uso mo aso vale"
Friends for most days(good days) but brothers or family on the bad days).

Speaking of uso (watch me go off on a tangent now):
If I hear one more male call me Uso. I'm going to ๐Ÿ˜ก you. Uso is what a male calls its brother, or a sister calls her sister.
Unless I grew balls, I am not your uso, Uce๐Ÿ˜ก. Smile (๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿพnot a friendly punch).
Now back to cousins, I don't actually use the Samoan word for cousin other than to say, this is my mother's brother's daughter Va'asiliifiti Diana Tiatia.
(Cue: sad song/pese faanoanoa).
I think we are blessed to be in a culture that values family(aiga) and is so entrenched on the collective as opposed to individual gain. Samoans will be millionaires and excelling should it ever be about the individual. But we know that an individual's success is a community's effort.
There's much to be proud of ...but there's much more to weep about.
I just read Tuiatua's independence speeches (my uncle by the way:) and he alluded again to our navigating history and the role of the tautai๐Ÿ˜the skilled navigator. But, around me and I see the highest level of drowning are Samoans.
We were skilled orators according the Late Epeli Hauofa and now we struggle with literacy and numeracy.
My point is, we are an ethnicity that bursts at the seams with potential and then, kailo se, (don't know).
Think about this:
For every successful cousin, there are 50 more whose vaka is straying off course.
But don't despair, we all have the capacity to influence someone's journey towards their destination. Even in your everyday loife ๐Ÿ˜.
My challenge for any Samoan on earth today is this: you have what it takes, you are worth it. Own it.
"You are my cousin๐Ÿ˜"
Think of all the cousins, even those in strife, struggling, and down. Be a champion for them. Today.

How to make french crepes. (Instructions for Samoans).

Pretend you're making Samoan pagikeke, but:

It's more liquidy. That you can pour.

You add egg.
Do more milk.
Pinch of salt,
and the pan ideally is a crepe pan,

1 cup plain flour

(I prefer to add sugar here to make it sweet and perfect addition for diabetes).
Mix ingredients, even better if you leave it in fridge then use a few hours later.
Then get Nutella, or lemon and sugar, banana, jam, maple syrup, whatevs.

Have fun!