Today, I was feeling generous at the markets and bought my Nana Ev half a dozen oysters, wrapped beautifully in ice packing thingis and laid lovingly next to two lemon slices. or lime, whatfuckenevs.
I called her number and realise she's not answering. We dropped in at her home and no one was there but she calls me back on her mobile phone., which she calls "my mobol telafone. Niece, call me on my mobol telafone and i'll picky it up".
She hardly does,
ANyhow, I told her about the oysters and she said for us to come to her.
She is at the, pub. "No, at the tavern, come to the tavern niece." (She doesn't drink, she fundraises).
"Aunty, I have 2 under 8s with me, I can't come to the pub, but drop by home later"
"Come bring my kids to the pub, I miss them and bring my oysters".
I hung up and drove home.
The thing is, I love my aunty Ev and the kids adore her. But her relationship with my kids is like my relationship with my sierra heels. I only wear them when it's special occasions and when I want to feel farken amazing. Similarly, she truly adores them and shows them off to her friends and inside the RSA among an audience. And much like the heels - they are painful to deal with after a while, so when the crowd disperses, I step out of the heels and Aunty Ev hands back the two little humans.
In the beginning, I used to be peeved about this, but I have come to accept that she doesn't know any better. She isn't mean about it. Homegirl just aint got no time for little shites. hahaha
It farken drives me mad sometimes but we are used to it and it makes for hilarious conversations at the dinner table.