Saturday, August 30, 2014

I'm not dead, thank you! (Ps NOT a cry for attention! serious)

So, I've been sick much of this week and some of last week. 
It started with sinuses, which I normally snap out off in 3 ish days....then headaches, then back pain, then shit gets real and I am like, in real pain......not Kardashian pain but real malala struggle. 
(Hold the violins, I'm not finished). 
Tui got sick, with me.,
Which means his sickness cancels out mine. 
But on Wednesday and Thursday, we were both equally, very unwell.
His most comfortable place to sleep was slumping onto my chest, all 18kg of him, ...which is mostly his coconut head. 
It gave me a stiff neck and shoulders.
At 3am on Thursday, I was going to change the bedding (again) which he had puked on....and I thought,
Omg, if I die, who is going make sure he brushes his teeth? Argh! (Dramatic scene 1, act 2)
Then other equally stressful thoughts came to mind, 
Who is going to take my Maeva to see the places I love (dramatic scene ii lady Macbeth) 
Finally, who is going to update my blog????? Hahaha 
Priorities hah!
It's now Saturday, and both tui and I are on the mend, but wait!
Yesterday, Maeva had to be picked up from her zoo expedition, she was feeling ill too.
So now, we are all in bed. 
But, I'm grateful that we don't have Ebola
It's also a beautiful cold dreary rainy day which makes it perfect for sleeping (digging deep ain't i) 
I just made some chicken soup at the request of Maeva 
Tui stopped vomiting and is back to his almost usual self, throwing toys across the room, head butting us, head butting the couch and lurking in the dark corners like a makaaiku
Frenchy hasn't hopped on a flight to oz yet to avoided the 3 sick housemates
And most of all,  "I'M ALIIIIVVVVEEEEE!" 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

too sure kele

tonight, faakoa uma la'u expo i le 9, e masagi lava ga makou o ma isi ufa ia makou ke galulue faakasi e dinner i se fale laka mai pe'a uma galuega.
Ae o agagei, ua ou fai i ai  "sorry - i'm going home coz frenchy would have made dinner".
....anyhoooo, kauguu mai i le fale, molega baaaad and hello - ga o le kefs le meaai lea e i ai. pasasa mai ma le kala a frenchy, "oi, faapea a a'u e ke ai e sau ai, ua uma le falaoa ma le milk'

kaimi kogu a ga ga'o lo'u fia kago aku e pake fela o le alelo.

lea la ua ka le 12:31 and makua ou le fia moe oga faakoa uma ga ai la'u pisupo ae iga'i i le alaisa mai le aso sa.

e sao ai Henry, ..."mea la gei e le iloa mai e beyonce."

Friday, August 22, 2014

feeling down and in Auckland?

let me know,...don't do anything too drastic please, .....there's loads of stuff happening and loads of people who would love to be around you, or stuff you can do.

PM me and I will cheer you up hun. (not THAT kind of cheer up though, this ain't KRoad happy ending kinda deal)...I mean, if you feel that nothing is going well and you just want to talk to someone about your dramas, let me know:

I love listening. True story. And i love stories, telling stories, faiga stories and just talanoaing.

I don't repeat it unless you want me to and ideally it's needs to be really fascinating and involves some up in the air leg action (ballet is my passion) or anything. 

Things might seem like shit right now but I promise you that when you look back to it, it will be so trivial and so long ago. You might see a tunnel with no light, yes - it feels like that but there is help and there are people who LOVE you.
I love you!

so, here's the thing, .....when I was a young teen, I had some challenges, and no, I am not crying for attention at me, I get that like, ALL THE TIME! but my point is, things will get better.
I made a promise to myself long long time ago when I was an innocent virginal teen that I won't let all the fucken dramas define me, ruin me, 'effect' me.
Life seems tough now but I assure you that it gets better, with the help around you.
Email me:

Grab LIFE by the err, ears and love it!

my friend has a new blog, she's a bit of a virgin about the whole wordpress thing, so don't be mean

Oi Aue

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Papalagi Guide to SIDS Conference. (Title offered by Kimo Goree).

In light of the up-coming SIDS conference, I and with the help of attendees who will be attending (gee - that was a pretty technical explanation), I have come up with some basic tips, ideas, Must dos and Don't for your visit to Samoa. This will make your SIDS experience well worth it.

1. How to dress formal and not look stupid? ( Question submitted by Kimo Goree)
If you have a formal suit, tie, jacket and closed shoes, ....forget it.
In Samoa, the formal dress code with be an elei shirt (the brighter the better) and an ie faitaga (picture below).
If you are not sure about your ie faitaga, don't despair, just ask any local or watch the video I'll insert later.
Ideally, men should wear undergarments because ain't nobody got time to see your crown jewels el' dangling in the breeze.

This is how it should look: (Photos borrowed without permission from Samoa Observer online, thank you!)

See how that ie faitaga is tied around his beautiful waist? No? Me neither. 
For women, you can buy a puletasi at the market or if you have $500 then get a MENA puletasi.
Or, wear whatever you brought but ideally not exposing your vajaguar or revealing your boobies., that's more of a safety issue rather than denying women their rights.

For all three genders, wear comfy shoes, like stilettos. Boots won't be necessary.

2. Eating protocol (not standing up and let important people eat first) etc.
If you're in a restaurant, no problemo....same as everywhere else, but if you are at a formal gathering and there are dignitaries or elderly important people - you let them get served first.
But don't be too polite and wait too long because if you do so, the Samoans will get to the buffet table and take it all. So be respectful, but not slow. ...find that fine line and you'll be fine. (:

3. What to bring and do to stay healthy
Bring your meds for diarrhea, panadols, antiseptic and most importantly, mosquito repellant. 
Bring Pepto or other type thing  for stomach dramas - be careful not to drink the tap water, because it will mean you'll be spending your SIDS days on a Samoan toilet. 
Bring snacks that you're familiar with to sustain yourself, it will be hot. 
Bring light clothing as well for when you're not at the go swimming in.
Drink plenty of bottled water to stay hydrated.

4. Basic words or phrases you need to know:
     Refer below

5. Belongings 
While you are in Paradise, hold onto your belongings, especially electronic goods, those are especially popular in the pawn shop and among the prisoners on parole, so be vigilant but not too like, weird about it.

6. If things are not on time, its okay - it's called Island time for a reason.
Just relax, play some candy crush or go meet some locals. (But be safe lol!)

7. If you have half a day or a day to kill and you want to quickly see a bit of Samoa., then - TOO BAD, you can't do a Savaii trip, however, there are some acceptable places in Apia you can see, eg:

  • Go to Papaseea Sliding Rocks (15 minutes from the venue)
  • Palolo Deep for snorkelling (downtown past the wharf)
  • A little further away is Le Uaina Resort with kayaking and pool
  • Piula Cave Pools (1 hour away from town)
  • Go with a group or ask a staffer about cost of these places to avoid being overcharged by a taxi driver or at the entrance. 
8. Be Kind, Be Considerate. Be a Caring Earthling.  
Be a considerate person and be appreciative of what is given to you. This is Samoa, relax and take a break, take it easy and have a Vailima.
Thousands of Samoans have worked tirelessly and unpaid to pull this off because they care and they are amazing like that. Majority of them are actually underpaid public service workers,  private sector and unpaid volunteers who have put in crazy hours to make this event a success. Be Kind. That's All.
And if you see a person named Henry Tunupopo or Faautu Talapusi, hug a slave child there and then and give them a pat on the back., or a shot of vodka to make them know they're amazing.

9. Go the extra mile
If you want to make someone's day, take some goodies with you to gift. Take eg, stationery for children, some cool tshirts, something from your country, earrings, shoes....any of those things you take for granted but will be well appreciated by people with not a lot.
You can also take a stroll to the Red Cross headquarters and give them a donation.
Something small but makes a difference for someone else.

Bonne chance.

Some words to help you along the way: 

Greetings (formal) Hello
Talofa Lava
Greetings (Informal) – ideal for a friend or a colleague
Malo! Or Malo lava!
How are you?
O a mai oe?
Blessed thank you
Manuia fa’afetai
Have a blessed day, (this is a great way to end emails instead of have a good day)..its a sincere way of wishing someone a blessed day or night
Manuia le Aso
Have a blessed Night/Evening
Manuia le Po:
I am sad
Ua ou faanoanoa
I am happy
Ua ou fiafia
I am tired
Ua ou lelava
Please do not disturb
Aua le faalavelave faamolemole
No thank you
Leai faafetai
Auoi Kafefe!
Thank you very much
Faafetai tele lava
My name is ....
O lo’u igoa o ......
Keep trying
Taumafai pea
Very good
Lelei tele
Very bad
Leaga tele
Don’t be discouraged, keep trying
Aua le fa’avaivai, taumafai pea
Can I have some money
Ska kupe
Palagi (White person)

Woman trapped in a man’s body


Monday, August 18, 2014

the inconsistent blogger fabricates a story about Saturday night


....but the only cure is to drink more consistently so that your liver becomes reacqainted 'those' beverages.

O se tala fiafia e amata ai lenei vaiaso:

O lea fa'atoa maua la'u tusi e taliaina ai lau faatoga atu mo se avanoa i le polokalame o le'a faia i Vanuatu ma Niu Koletonia, ae paga lea, e le'i talia ina lava la'u tusi faanoi i le galuega.
E 4 vaiaso ga ou ka'a ai ae o lea faatoa amata ae toe maua le avanoa. 

ia, tapuai mai 

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Love, Lust and first kisses in Savaii

I love returning to NeenaLoves blog (As I remember it)because she is such a beautiful writer and when she talks about relationships I just think "fark, why can't I be emotive like that?" And so I read on in awe. 

She writes about past love and how powerful it is, that first love, and how it all comes back to you ....(except me because my experiences were quite unsexy. Unromantic. Unamazing. 

I do really wish my first love was like, legitimately a love, love, but it's hard because I was young and I was mixing up love, infatuation and ahem, lust.
It got me thinking, about firsts and all that sheboom, and it reminded me of my first kiss.

Hardly romantic when a bloke is like eating your face and your mouth and you just don't know what to do because you're in the dark behind a pa auke (hibiscus bush) but you know that the whole farken village walks past the pa auke to go to the pool. 
So you just stand there getting your face decided-suctioned by a prickly faced Italian who spoke no English. 
Man oh man, my first kiss wasn't much to write about ...well, now it is.
It was 

Before you decide I'm like a ...village bicycle or something like that, calm the bitch down, I was only doing the kisses, the real action didn't happen until I lost my virginity on my marital bed.

While the village celebrated and pigs flew in excitement, 

Monday, August 11, 2014

i really don't know what to write about today

so this is a really dumb idea....blogging for blogging's sake,

but now that i'm here, I just about cried reading this court case about the two young men who died in a car crash last year (go to Samoa Observer for your info),. anyhow, I'm not here to discuss the finer details of the case - (because as you know, I wasn't an AG in my past life and my grasp of law is rather err, limited). 
But ------I saw a photo of the accused (of maybe the defendant? kailo se)  anyway, its a photo of the person that could potentially go to jail, and her grandfather. 
I also say another image of the other accused and his family. 

You see, in the aftermath of the accident, there was a whole lot of emotion and anger which was vented on every media you could think of. 
Every bad thing you could think of was said./

and it got me thinking of the parents, the siblings and loves of these accused/defendants/etc.

They are the ones that all carry the burden. 

Face life with this major life changing event, which affects their relationships and their lives too.

And I thought of the parents and the grandfather, who love their daughter and their son. 

This is all so hard for everyone involved, and yet - ALL THIS COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED. 


My point is, ....there is nothing we can do about the past, but we can change our habits in the future.

......speaking of which, last Friday, I had to drive my smalls and my babysitters home (Yv and Yv) and then, like a super responsible Goddess, I taxied back to the city. $50 Fecking dollars to the city and the $65 fecking dollars from the city to drive -thru Maccas ---home.....and then I didn't even eat the blimmin' food because forgot I bought it in the first place,.....being a responsible drunk is EXPENSIVE! But it's much cheaper than buying a coffin.

ok, enough macabre discussions, it's only Monday.

Photos of the Day (because clearly the bullshit update above ain't doing it for you, my 5 readers:

One of the stunning bays in Moorea


my phone's camera has a scratch and every photo has this effing ...thing (dark dot thing)

Moorea again

One of the three stunning waterfalls in Tahiti - absolutely worth the visit.  

nice asse of the fire knife dancers,, I had to focus on something because their technique was sub-standard! 

Their fafas had attitude, lol

Hibiscus Hotel 

Friday, August 08, 2014

New Zealand Pacific politics and spinning the message

It is really difficult sometimes to truly express our opinions in the pacific space in NZ, because it is such a small world with so many unseen, ingrained, (sometimes messy) affiliations, connections, relationships.
Yet, our relationships are so important, particularly our respect for others, particularly those in strategic roles/positions.....but when it comes to politics, its simply,
sucks balls.


A few weeks ago, a press release was disseminated by pro National party supporters, about Pacific people needing to vote for National and how Labour is kaea(crap) and all etc.

Journalist Michael Field picks up the story and uses it to his benefit and his views:

"A small group of influential Pacific Island clergy have sparked fierce debate in South Auckland after they declared they would switch their support from the traditional Labour Party to the National Party."

Then Whale Oil fat guy waddles in with his own slant:

"The Pasifika community is breaking ranks with Labour after years of paternalistic attitudes and the “we know best” attitude of the Labour Party"

Meanwhile, the so called prominent Pacific people involved in this parody get all upset and cry foul on social media.

Then Su'a William Sio of Labour Party drops into the matter with his views.

So much noise but no one stopped to ask me, and the actual Pacific people that they kept harping on about.

....and so, here I am, I am one of thousands who represent the so called Pacific vote.  

I am a Pacific person in New Zealand, a taxpayer, a person who will vote based on the policies and for the politician who I 'some' faith in.....and so far, still looking. 

I am not going to let supposed prominent Pacific personalities blur my opinion, but what concerns me is that the National Party is doing this deliberately, using Pacific personalities to raise their profile.

They did it with Michael Jones and Inga the Winger in the last election.....and I dare say, where are they now? Has any of their ventures succeeded with the National Party on their side? 
It is so sad because I have so much respect for these people but they are undoing their hard work simply for the fleeting share of the limelight and rubbing shoulders with politicians who wouldn't care otherwise on a non-election year.

....and all this - because someone wrote a parody of a press release.

My message to you the Pacific person in New Zealand? 

Please go out and vote for the Party that you believe advocates and proposes policies that will help you. 
If a Pacific 'personality' or politician rocks up to you - ASK THEM THE HARD QUESTIONS:
What is their position as a candidate and as a Party on:

  • Poverty  -----child poverty to be specific (hint hint....John Key doesn't give a rat's arse, he'll say "whaaa! eat cake!" or say "I don't recall"
  • Education....Pacific Languages - hint hint,....ain't no party got time for any other languages aside from Maori/English at the moment.
  • Education: Equity and access to tertiary education...what do they offer you?  
  • Climate Change? (climate refugees, Emissions Trading Scheme, accountability in terms of agriculture industry?
  • Health?
  • Gay marriage? (i add this because it the issue that made me lose a bit of faith in Su'a William Sio, so ask the rest of the candidates where they stand).
Make them accountable. Stop being the smiley face happy islander and demand honesty from these clowns. You are the important prominent person in this chaos. Your vote is  what counts. It ain't about those politicians and their egos or their spin doctors. You have the Power. chooohooooo
Amene ma amene. 

Thursday, August 07, 2014

My Mother is also a Village Qualified Doctor who has a cure to all ailments:

To give you an example....I was tell her about MM's eczema which flares up in winter.
And like most ailments, he solution is the same:

Dear ****,

Sei alu atu  Simon ma avatu se faguu Samoa e taumafai e uu ai pea le
tino when she goes to sleep and not during the day leaga e uu le faguu
 -     But look at all of you o le mea lena na taumafai ai lava e uu
pea outou i le uu Samoa when you were young as I think e i ai se
incredient in the oil e strengthen ai le skin -   maimau pe ana mafai
ona smuggle atu se  root o le milikini as it is now the Samoan
treatment for all skin  and open wound.   I have distributed the
plant  widely and everyone had vouched that it does miracle including
the head of State.

O le aoga foi ia i muscle pain ou te moe ai lava i le po e fusi ai ou
tuli and  ankles.

Aua le faaaogaina na cream   e maimau lava le taimi.   The Fijian oil
is good too.

Love you and tell Maeva I miss her and Tui  so am trying to divert our
trip to Auckland on our way to  Beijing to see the children on our way
back with Tala.

Alofa atu.


Nuff said. 

wow - you're gonna love this.......

the feckbitch at reception asked me if I was like, carrying.

and I told her, "Yes I am...I'm carrying holiday weight"

Thank goodness I have Tim Tams to make me feel better!

Monday, August 04, 2014

Ministry of Pacific Islands Affairs and its CEO needs to go.