Thursday, August 30, 2012

Indecent exposure, island style

There is this place I know that sells clothes, or rather, sells pieces of clothing.
or maybe i should say, remnants of clothes.
The clothes are no longer serving the purpose of 'covering your body' so to speak.
When the models are displaying the clothes, I take a quick glance and close the page quickly because they make the K-road street walkers look like nuns.
But the biggest crime is seeing happy customers tagging the clothes shop page, wearing their skimpy number, drink in hand, leaving little covered.
In moments like these, I beg and cry out in fear "Why oh why isn't there someone near you telling you to tuck your ass in?"

Lawd have mercy!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Samoan taste buds.

My sister Lagipoiva is with us for a few weeks.
She is a little slow.
She got out ice cream from the freezer and halfway through eating it, she exclaimed
"This is quite yum,'s not heavy or tastes lighter"
Me "like sorbet?"
Dumbass: "yeah!"
Me: "Maybe it's because if you look at the packaging it does say Sorbet?...possibly?" 
Lawd, have mercy!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Completed tuiga

The last time i posted this photo, i was halfway through and had just ran an industrial sized curve needle through my thumb, but its all done now and the bit where the siapo is is now sewn on with...siapo, thanks Malelega for the siapo.
Will post a photo when I find the camera!
Email me for more info about tuigas, and please note it takes time, so plan ahead.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Otara Boulevard and Pacific entrepreneurs

Last Saturday, we were at the Otara markets doing the usual walking around eating our way through the stalls and vowing to exercise as soon as we finished our chicken kebab.
yeah nah, forget it.

We also went to cheer on the authors (like Lani Wendt Young) and other PI talents and enterprising islanders putting their work on display. Like I blogged about before, I love that Lani's writing has resulted in young people taking an interest in...a book!
Not a video game or a movie or a facebook status, but, a BOOK.

My 13 year old niece was curious about Telesa and is now reading part one, I look forward to discussing it with her but its a little frustrating.
Me: Si'u, what part are you in the book?
Si'u: She's just landed in Samoa.
2 hours later...
Me; Si'u, where are you now?
They are heading home.
One day later:
Me: Ua a?
Si'u: They are really angry at her and they are on the way to the house.
Me: Faleasi'u! kua leva ga e faikau ai ga le le'i oo a le kaavale! shiit (Yvonne, youve been reading for yonks and the car still hasn't arrived! hurry up!"

...Just when I thought there was hope for the youth of tomorrow, I get reminded to calm the hell down and wait.
Fanks you.

E iai la'u fa'asea faatatau i le polokalame i le Aso To'onai. Ua tatau ona sui le tulaga o tents ina ia mafai ona feoa'i pea tagata i luma o tents a'o loo fai faafiafiaga.
E le gata i lea, e fai lava sina fa'alea'a o le au tusi solo...e le manaia tele ona e faanoanoa ma tuga mataupu o poems, ae o le aso e tatau ona patino i e ua a'ea olo ma faia mea lelei mo o tatou tagata.
Ia, ae malo lava i e na lagolagoina lenei taumafaiga manaia,
E faia pea...(:

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Samoan traditional ula nifo

That awkward moment when a tourist looks at their ula nifo in awe and asks you inquisitively:

"What is this called? a what?, a oool-llah neeeh-foh?...what is it made of?"

......and you blink awkwardly and try to create a mythical legend because you know that fukker hanging their from neck is made of PVC pipe, and nylon.

Yeah nah, thats from whale bone and we sometimes use wild boars tusks.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Mr Ten Tala speaks (Part 3)

Part 1: Fifty Shades of Savaii
Part 2: Fifty Shades of Savaii Vaega Lua
Mr Ten Tala speaks (Part 3)

"Where do I type?
Here? auola, look at that,...seki a lau masigi baby, ogay, let me start, please read this with a open heart after I am gone"

My name is Polotu Paipa.
I come from the village of Savao, where the bible was returned.
I unterstand that my baby, my rock diamond, Titafa has told you apout me, and I excep that.
Bart, its only imbowdant that I tell you my side.
Because you know and I know from the depth of my soul, a coconut doesn't just sway.
It sways for a reason. (E le falala fua se giu, for the sake of our non English samoan speakers).

The first time my heart eloped was when I saw Titafa.
She had long black hair, maka magaia a si keige, lovely plump legs and watching her go'o move during volleyball made my thing stand like a Policeman at Ti'afau.
Anyway, she was the Virgin Mary in our White Suntay story.
I was the donkey.
Ia, as you know, I was very happy to be choose as the donkey because Titafa, I mean, Virgin Mary sat on the donkey on the way to Gerusalem.
Ia, that is the story of how my love for her grow and grow and I have a feelings for so long.
And I wrote my emotions in paper, like this: I was feeling like yams were suddenly growing on my body when I laid eyes on you, Titafa Tuituimeto.
But I forget other words because that letter never reached my pele, because it was intercept by her loud mouthed friend Taliana.
Now, I need to explain this better because like they say, you can try to hide the albino but he will show with the clarity of the water.
Taliana is someone I need to tell you about, my heart.
I know what I can do to you, for you because Taliana taught me things I never knew.
The first time Taliana grabbed me, I was walking home with my fishing net behind the mangroves at Sapali. Because it was shady under the mangroves, I didn't notice that Taliana was there, and before I knew it, Taliana was doing things to me that was astoundingly i-Mazing.
In fact, before this meeting, I knew a mouth was for eating and praying, but my Savior, there is more to the mouth of Taliana.
Right on that fishing net.
You might say to me, but he is a faafafine! but I say to you, "It doesn't matter, Taliana was there for me and my rugby team, teaching us how to make you enterchoy the experience, you all owe your happy-choy to Taliana"
Maybe you think light weight about me. You might feel I am just planter.
Your family might say to me, "Who are you, rancid pig?"
But I say this with a very humble soul,  Know me before you charge me.
"I am Polotu Paipa.
I am from a long line of hard working descendants of Paipas.
In fact, the original Paipa was borne from the first ava tree of Tagaloa-a-lagi.
Paipa visited to Pipiana and born was Paipipi, who visited to Polotutu.
Break the thatch and they settled in Savao.
Polotutu was a good looking man and he had many houses of children (fale kama), from many womens.
So you see, I am emerge from Polotutu's first visit to the woman from Palikai.
I may be barren of treasures from countries outside, but I give you something bigger, my heart and my hands that grow green.
I have 6 ekas of taro, taamu,  10 cows and 20 female pigs.
I may not be a high man working in a Government office and drive a car but with these rough hands and feet,
I will work strongly and with honesty to make you happy.
 I will roll you over and over and enjoy every bart of you because I want to make you my convenant, in front of your congreagation.
I want us to start our family and have our 10 children, as a mark of my undying love for you that will never end, for ever and ever to Pulotu and back"

Your heart and soul,

Polotu Paipa

(baby, come to the back of Tutete'e house, I want to munch your oyster).

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

O le'a vavae foe: The grey area between palagi democracy and Samoa village rule

In recent days, the events in Satapuala has proven again that not all is well on the Samoan front, particularly when it comes to governance and authority(or in this case, contested authority).
Many have expressed anger and disgust in the village for their forceful actions but it does require us to rethink the actions of Government and their unsustainable 'dictatorial' attitude to Samoan development.

Government can no longer 'bulldoze' their ideals in the name of development, because it cannot be development if those who live on the land are ignored and shunned, time and time again.

There are many issues here that is not only dividing our country, but it reminds us that e le toe valea umi fo'i tagata Samoa. (People are not gonna be that stupid any longer, ua uma foi na aso).

As humourous as it is, PM Tuilaepa's nonchalance and verbal play with words in dealing with ALL matters, is no longer welcome, nor funny.

He can't go on insulting people and then expecting them to respect a Government that rules with arrogance.
I remember the words of one Savaii man, 'only two things will cause a Samoan to spill blood, women and land".

Today, the latter reminds us that people will forget about christianity and protecting the peace. They will arm themselves with rocks and weapons to protect their lands and even more so, to show defiance against a Government that is not listening.

In the Samoa Observer, it showed a tearful village mayor (pulenuu) holding a letter from the MESC advising that his position has been terminated. I.e he aint gettin' that $$ in the bank nekk month.
I love the irony in this, he disobeyed his employer(Government) and then cried when he was reprimanded. Meanwhile, the village council continue to support him.
Isn't pulenuu an obsolete concept anyway? You are simply, a mouthpiece for the Government. It's a contract that the Satapuala mayor has knowingly severed when he listened to the wishes of his traditional leaders and ignored his modern master.

This event is regrettable on so many levels but in my mind, something had to give.

P.S. I only wrote this to sound smart because my name is getting tarnished with Fifty Shades porn, haha, kae...Part 3 coming up for the the dirty minds out there.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Fity Shades of Savaii, Vaega Lua

Now, where were we?
Ah, yes...there was something jutting beneath my nervous thigh as the Lupe Siliva bus sputters past Salelavalu.
My Ten Tala man, ahhh, his arm is wrapped around my waist, fiddling with the hem of my lavalava while he stares ahead, a blankness about his face despite his wandering fingers.
I struggle to calm my beating heart while deep down...
I feel my stomach turn? flutter? aha...its not the belly, its further down. Pugi.
"Pa'umumuku! Slut bag!" hissed my subconsciouness, I did a mental backflip and kicked her in the face, There! now shut up.
My man rubs his nose on my shoulder and I feel his hands wander southward as we hit the unmarked road hump in Iva.
There's something absolutely exhiliarating about being fingered on a bus full of people, sacks of rice, pigs and chickens.
Words escape me, but I can assure you, it beats winning the church bingo on Saturday night.
On my, I...I think I just came in my Chan Mow panties. Halleluia.
But far too soon, the bus inches towards my village, Safuapalamimi.
As I try to get up, he whispers to my ear, "Gagei (tonight), behind the pastor's house. Baby, I'm gonna break your plastic bag".
I get up, now stunned and my face turns crimson, which is like, monumental because I'm brown.
But I brush my thoughts aside as I squeeze past the people, sidesteping gingerly over the flour bags and the taro and right before I elbowed the faafafine in the front seat, I tripped and fell right into the lap of the toothless supokako.
There is a uproar of laughter and this time, my face is now burning with shame, it is now, hibiscus red.
Shit happens, but only to me, right after being fingered.

The rest of the day flies by, as I quickly cut up the taamu for dinner.
My mind is restless as I accidently dig the sharp edge of the knife into my palm.
My mother calls out, "Aikakae, can't you focus on something without making a fool of yourself?..hurry up, feed the pigs then go ask Elegi for some salt!"
Before she turns, she looks at me with distrust and asked, "Have you fallen?"
I stepped back in horror,  "Mother, I have NOT fallen, I have not been with a man, that's so disgusting!"
Deep down, I am strangling my subconsciousness as she mouths off insult after insult.
"Good! We don't want you getting pregnant and becoming the joke of the village, and your Ekalesia will fall as see, protect your honour or I will snuff the life out of you girl, now wipe that whore smirk off your face!"

The day slowly turns, fires flicker in the early evening, hymns sung and pigs squeal under iron bars as I quietly make my way to the village pool.
My legs and arms are now itchy from the sap of the taamu.
I remove my CCK top and wrap my lavalava about me, sudden chilled by the coolness of the pool.
I immerse myself in the cold welcoming water and proceed to unravel my fasimoli kamea from the loofa (pulu). I raise my lavalava and someone mutters in the beckoning darkness,
"Nice your malu to eat suga"
I jump, feigning shock and displeasure but really, I'm in Seventh Heaven knocking Tagaloa-a-lagi off his pedestal...shuffle along mate, sexy hot Samoan woman coming right here"
He glides towards me in the water, like a confident turtle and very gently....very very gently...

(Public announcement: The rest of this story has been censored by the National Censorship Office of Samoa and the Council of Churches , lol)

     ............................  E fa'aauau pea

Part 2: you just read here (:

Monday, August 06, 2012

Fifty Shades of Savai'i

I loves you baby, I wants to eat your virkin" he whispers and every follicle on my brown skin stood and yearned with want.
The crowds around us disappear and I lose myself in his presence, his strong rough sexy presence.
He walks away, coolly, his hips swaying sensually under the weight of his coconut bundles.
And while I gaze longingly at his half naked and unshowered body, he turns abruptly and calls out,
"Ska pasese baby" and he drops his avega and adjusts his worn lava lava around the vaa inked onto his lickable hips.
I try to calm the flutterIng in my chest "Stop your lusting you hoe bag" mussed my subconsciousness.
I reach into my bra and pull out my last ten tala and handed it to him.
He looks at me, with his intense Cook-me-some-taro-for-breakfast look and laughed.
"Baby, I wish I was the ten tala, but is ogay I will bury myself between your breasts later" and he leaves me before I can utter a hopeless comeback.
For the rest of the day, I could not focus, I started making mistakes, overcharging disgruntled customers and forgetting to serve others while my thoughts were lost in explicit acts and non-Christian manoeuvres.
Before I could fantasise some more, Paka'e slaps me across the face and yelled "Eat shit! You are here to sell oranges instead of pissing off the customers! Aikae loa I le fale!"
I walk off in shame, feeling angry and embarrassed, as other vendors teased me along the way.
I am now broke and have no bus fare to take me to my village.
I started walking, oblivious to the heat, the dust and the sharp rocks beneath my jandals.
Aw fuck, now what, my jandal is broken.
Before I could decide my next move, the Lupe Siliva bus pulls up behind me,
The intoxicated driver calls out "Siaula, are you gonna get on the bus or stand there like a stupid thing?"
I hop onto the bus, flustered, half falling over coconuts, bags of flour, fish and children.
Great, just fucking great, it's a full bus and there is no spare seat.
Then, like manna from above, I hear my name at the back of the bus,
There he sits, my half naked coconut carrying ten tala man beckoning me over.
As the bus sputters forward, I land indignantly on his lap.
At first I felt awkward and cheated, This isn't how it's meant to be! I am dusty, bedraggled and have one jandal, how the fuck am I going to impress him?
But something answered that question for me,
Something that is hard on the side of my nervous thigh.
My heart is now beating " outside" of my CCK top....omg, is that a wallet?
But he doesn't have a wallet for his no money to put into his pocketless lava lava. It ain't a wallet.
Oh puhlease! Don't look so demure! Sulked my subconsciousness but I ignored her.
Is that his machete?
But that's not meant to be there!
I feel trapped, and nervous, but also thrilled,...
This is the most intimate he and I will ever be!
On a crowded Lupe Siliva bus, surrounded by people and fish and coconuts and a rock hard poki poking me on my thigh with every pothole we pass.
To be continued....

Part 2: Fifty Shades of Savaii Vaega Lua
Part 3: Mr Ten Tala speaks