Tuesday, July 03, 2012

She was my home

My younger sister posted something on Facebook this afternoon about Faleasiu that just made me cry, unashamedly in front of my children.
She was reminiscing about Faleasiu and how we all gravitated to gauta, to sit in a circle and recite scriptures and sing hymns by her every evening.
It got me thinking, how much I miss her so much. Everytime I think about her.
I wrote about this before and I will torture myself again by going back, but I need to sometimes, if only to remember the things that made her so so pivotal in our lives.
And I'm not using that word to be fancy, I mean it.
Pivotal is defined as:
Adjective: Of crucial importance in relation to the development or success of something else.
Everything around us at that time, revolved around Faleasiu, she was the stability we needed, the person who maintained peace and harmony and commanded respect, for others, for ourselves. We ran and cowered by her when we got a beating from our uncle, brother, anyone.
We grew up with her, next to her, hearing her yell at us to do our homework, to listen to our elders, to not look at boys, to not laugh so loud as if to attract boys, to pray, to laugh, to sing, to grow up as respectful people.
what shattered me most was that when she left us, She took the 'home' out of that house, and the stability, and the happiness, and the calmness that was there.
I miss her so much, I miss hearing her in the early morning singing Mamao lo'u nofoalii, I miss her stories, her fagogo, her memories of growing up in Fagamalo, fixing a wheelbarrow in Manase, getting coconuts in Pago Pago, doing the feaus for the old ladies Fogaseuga, Savali, Silaulelei and Palealofa at Safua..and so many stories,...
I blame Faleasiu for my knack for spinning a yarn...because she was the queen of that.
Its awkward how we are all grown up and have our own families but when it comes to Faleasiu, we just fall apart, because she was our pivot, she held us together.


ulalei said...

Got all teary eyed reading your entry. Kalofa e... but hey, I'd love to hear some of the fagogos she told you. Fai ma share mai!

Hope you're well me goddess! :)


Goddess said...

Thanks ulalei, you too have an amazing history and many more fagogos...you should tell them sometime!!!!