Monday, January 10, 2011

Inconsiderate neighbours

MM and I were home alone.
There was a party next door, at the young sparkie and Goth couple's house.
This is the couple that have a nightly ritual of brushing their teeth for about 20 minutes in their well lit bathroom.
Right across from our deck. In clear view. Well, almost, its a blurry glass view. But still.
When we have dinner with friends outside, we time how long the teeth brushing process takes, and the losers have to do 'bottoms up'.
Yep - coz we're immature like that.
Anyhow, digressing digressing....
The party goes on and on and on, loud loud heavy metal music and loud loud conversations about how "brown" our street was becoming...."another Indian couple across at 47"...."and chinese across the road."
...meanwhile, I am picturing me grabbing an AK47 to blast the conversationalists's head off if he mentions the Samoan next door.
Anyhow, I move my sleeping girl to the guest room, because we couldn't hear our thoughts.
At 2 a.m I wonder, should I call Noise control?
But someone beats me to it shortly after, and the music is turned down temporarily.
I fall asleep finally until I am awoken by commotion in MY backyard.
In my paranoia, I grabbed the butcher knife I leave in my side drawer when we are alone (weird much?)
and tiptoed to the back.
More noise, now the culprit has flipped over my rubbin bin.
My heart was beating in my FACE. I was shit scared, and then I saw her.
She was a plump caucasian in a size too small dress that has now ridden up her chubby thighs.
She is completely off her face, which now resembled that of a racoon.
A skanky racoon who drank too much rum.
I suddenly felt angry. I asked her what she was doing on my property and she...SWORE AT ME! IN MY BACKYARD!
I calmly asked her to leave or else I will call the cops.
But she continues to walk around as if looking for something and saying I should "Just shut up and leave her alone".
So I grabbed my phone and called the Police, loudly so she can her me....this time she runs to the front, but the gate is closed, it does this when you force it.
Instead of opening it by lifting the latch, she ...CRAWLS under...picture a chubby drunk skunk crawling under confined space....All the while, swearing and accusing me of hiding her stuff???? WTF???

Anyhow, I walked out, closed both gates and FINALLY have a peaceful sleep. But there was more knocking on the door.
It was the skinny sparkie coming to apologise.
At 4am.
What a rude asshole.
He apologised for the behavior of his drunk friend and said she was just looking for her handbag.
I am near tears at this point and really really tired. I had to work at 8am, so I told him to leave us alone and if i see anyone on my property, I will call the cops OR I will personally HURT them myself...Slams door.
(Angry panty much?)
I wondered what I have done to deserve this bad bad karma ):
Anyhow, I got up exhaustedly at 9am, called work that I was coming in late, and sent Maeva to get the mail.
She came running back shouting "Mum! Mum! I found a phone and some money by the mailbox!"
Yep - karma sucks. I thought of returning that phone and that $60 to the drunk skunk.
The thought lasted about 2 seconds.
I hate the thought of losing my phone, but in this case, she can suffer for all I care. Dumb ass.
Thank you for the phone that I gifted to my cousin and the $60 that went towards my shoes.
Next time you get drunk and leave your stuff around, don't do it on the fob's premises....coz I'm a keeper like that.


Omega ; Alex said...

choo hooo, well well good luck to her you were too tired and too pregnant otherwise you woulda kung fu'd her azz. Ia fank you for the money for your rudeness. Aww next time just call the cops sister. Not worth you or MM getting hurt. Love you xx

Lani Wendt Young said...

Too funny - what is up with all the intoxicated and annoying neighbors these days....I need to be inspired by yr tough-as example and be MEAN-ER to my drunken irritating neighbor.

Goddess said...

hah - well, the sparkie is greasing up to us now. the kids kicked a rugby ball over to their side and he walked over to return it and he did small talk with Frenchie...i just ignored him and walked back inside.
sheeze, i need to make friends not enemies! hah....and yes mex, i was only being careful coz i was preggers....just wait till im back to normal and then i will be calling you from the holding cells asking to for bail $. lol. dont fret, the couple that moved across the road recently are awesome and the guy is a, yay!