Tuesday, September 01, 2009

It’s what’s best for me, they say

For *Rocky(:

Eh!
Bashful colours
Flamboyant movements
The soft breeze reeks of happiness
Your presence chokes my serene silence
“Hello handsome!”
“How are you honey”
“Here’s your cuppa lovey”
...sweetie, doll, darling!”
Your joyfulness
So pungent
Nauseating even
Why can't you
Just
Let me be?

You’ve checked me in.
“It’ll be perfect for your needs!
Honey!”
Aisea?
To be somewhat free?
Of me?
To be independent and to rehabilitate
Recover and stand,
On my own shaky feet
Why then do I feel...
Trapped
Lost
Aimless?
Or is it just me?

Go away now
And let me be,
My silence comforts me
My soul weeps with me
My spirit yearns,...hopes...waits
...For an solution that will never be
So go away now,
But leave me the silence that comforts me.

*My brother, now a r.n at TTMHosp and only male trained midwife in Samoa suffered from depression while I was young (aged 12) and I was completely unaware of what it meant. With so little understanding of the mental illness, he was moved from doctor to priest to traditional healer all over Samoa to find a "cure". Many decided he was 'pocessed' by demons(oh for the farken dramatics of village taulasea diagnosis).
He eventually recovered but at the time, he refused to utter a word to anybody for months on end, he suffered in silence. Today, he continues to help others, the same way we failed to help him.

1 comment:

DengXiao said...

My cousin suffered depression during her final years at school in Pesega, and no one could figure out wht happened. The term "pa le poto" kept floating around and "ua valea" showed up often as well. No one ever diagnosed her as depressed which is unsurprising since it was mostly the taulaseas who were doing the diagnosing, but the signs are so obvious now looking back. Unfortunately she never recovered and the bright young girl that was with so much potential is still lost somewhere in Sasiga Savaii.