This time last week, Brains would have woken up, had a coffee and planned out his day with his partner as you would, for the last time in his vibrant life.
Matthew Goodlet - rest in peace Goodie.
When I leave this earth, (Lord please, not too soon!) I want to have a funeral like Brains.
No fuss, no distress, no strict order of service...just a good ol' bittersweet sendoff, with his loved ones, friends and family staying behind to have fire ass curry, Waikato on tap and crazy foods he loved.
It is a far cry from the funerals I've seen all my life in Samoa. So much chaos and drama that those involved don't have time to mourn.
Yesterday, Matt's family and partner had the time to grieve and be with loved ones.
Mingling with everyone and sharing a fag as the day worn on.
I am reminded of my granma's funeral where my siblings and I had no time to recollect and grieve because we had to dig out fine mats, decorate the pulpit, buy the pusa apas, receive endless visitors etc etc
The worst thing to me is seeing my mother, finally sitting down with us by my granma, to sing and say our last words but another group of people arrived, this time the Rugby Team and she had to acknowledge them.
Like many things about my culture, (and I am only saying this about my own family and experiences, others I'm sure are much better off) there is little emphasis on the "emotion" and healing and nurturing, rather my culture is so brutally 'secular' and crass and almost careless. It's almost a foreign concept to stop and cry and hug and share in a positive way. I remember my younger sibling making up a song about our dearly departed dad, on the anniversary of his passing, and we were touched by this. However, my ancient uncle turned round and made a joke of it, and even more so, criticised her performance.
But then again, maybe it's a survival mechanism that kicks in to keep us honest and aloof and proud. Sweep yo dramas under your fala lilii and smile, we want happy news, if you want to cry, then cry alone....when youre ready, come out and play...
e sa'o ai le kala fo'i lele,
"Laugh and the world laughs with you
Fart and the world laughs AT you"